PLEASE MOVE by Jason Liebman
I'm scared. I don't know what the future will hold. I can't see past this moment. The results of my actions are unknown, but I need to move. Please move. My mind begs my legs but they are frozen in the grip of fear that roots me where I stand. This is fine. The coffee stains on my shirt add character, the length of my shaggy hair speaks for my commitment, my beard is a symbol of who I am and my body is a temple that needs no maintenance because it's still going strong! The pile of dirty laundry emanating from across the room can wait I'm sure there is something somewhere I can wear today. I'm not going out so yesterday's clothes are enough. The mountain of garbage on the floor can go out tomorrow. Nobody has died from the smell of old hardened ketchup, and I'm too busy to deal with it anyway. Ah yes, busy. Busy busy busy busy busy is me I am busy. Busy with what? Busy scrolling down my news feed staying up to date with the curated chaos of my comrades complex charades carefully carving the cake that is like the lives they want me to believe they live, a lie. Another meme. An idea of who they want to be strung together from the best moments of their life, and I tell myself I'm committed to do the same, so move. Please move. Oh look someone got married, someone else had a kid, so why can't I get off my ass? Why can't I make my dreams come true? I know! I'll google it. Open a new tab lest we forget I need to keep up with my news feed like reality tv as I type into the search bar “how do I find a life?” The irony. A world more connected than we have ever been before making it easier to divide us than we had ever expected. They don't want us to win, but who is this they anyway and why the fuck do they even care? I don't. You think I could get this way giving a damn if I live or die? This shit takes work. A human spirit can't just snuff itself out you have to hold the pillow down over your own face until your gone you have to squeeze out every last drop of your own existence because if you leave even a dull ember I'm coming back better than I have ever been before. Shhhh! Keep it down. Don't wake the neighbors with silly things like hope. They are almost gone. Don't bring them back. How could you live if you let them stay here in this place? Where was I? Getting aware of the world again? Ah! I have just the thing. Click phhhhhhh ahhhhhh cough that's the shit right there. If they didn't want me to win they would make this legal again. I could sit here all day in a cloud of my own despair and never be a bother or a burden to anyone I love. I see the ways they look at me. They are sick of my illness, and I don't blame them I'm pretty sick of me too. But what am I supposed to do? You want me to go to the gym? You want me to eat some kale? How about I get a job? Why don't I just wipe my fat ass with my resume because at least then it would be of some use.